Rumor has it that J. David Schronce is a billionaire inventor, has worked at NASA and CERN, explored eight continents including Atlantis, won two Nobel prizes, a Pulitzer, six Grammys and People magazine’s 'Sexiest Man Alive' three years running

....but that is JUST A RUMOR.

In fact he is pleased to announce that he feels completely secure in his upcoming retirement since he was recently named a finalist in the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.

David was born as a baby in a small town behind the wall in western North Carolina so long ago that his birth certificate is in the national archives, so how he can claim to be 39 years old is anybody's guess. The first several weeks of his life were largely uneventful, with most of his limited attention directed towards eating, a habit that he still practices to this day. At just three years of age, the boy developed an unhealthy interest in baboons. This would go on to play an important role in his life. Just before his fourth birthday his parents and siblings moved to Sanford, NC - a small town in Central North Carolina where the main tourist attraction was the lump on the mayor’s forehead.. Not to be undone by their trickery, he sneaked into the car and accompanied them. At the age of six he was left an orphan, but not knowing what to do with it he gave it back. Although the remainder of his early records are sealed by court order, we can tell you that, outside of once being bitten by the tooth fairy, he had a "typical childhood" with his "parents". A copy of his high school yearbook says he was voted as "Most Likely to Be Identified By His Dental Records." Later he attended, and was often asked to leave, several major colleges and universities in numerous states, finally earning a Masters Degree in Technical Theatre and Doctorates in both Psychology and Parapsychology.

In 1974 he entered the record books as the first man to break all Ten Commandments in all fifty states in fifty days. Although the June 2-3 Missouri/Kansas cross border murder/idolatry spree casts a pall over the record, David remains proud of his accomplishment. It was during this period that David developed the ability to light cigarettes while his hands were handcuffed behind his back.

On July 4, 1976 he held the first annual Independence Day North Carolina Barbecue, Rock & Roll Doughnut Bacon Fest and Outdoor Brain Fry, and even after numerous evictions the yearly event remains a favorite of the friends who can manage to remember it on July 5th. Of course in recent years, there are a lot fewer people having sex in the backyard and practically no LSD.

David was involved in many, various contacts with alien cultures during his travels to the Aztec temples in Central Mexico. He considers these to be of great importance as this seemed to be a factor in his being the largest known repository of the Alpha Centauri IV (known locally as Pligbodop) language and culture.

David has been known to occasionally imbibe in the consumption of adult beverages. Friends have noted that when he eats peanuts you can hear them splash. He once woke up in Korea in early March and his last memory was the New Year's Eve party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.

After many years working for small companies, David went on to found and destroy a number of businesses of his own.   Since he is no longer allowed to experiment with weapons of mass destruction, he makes his living as a Principal Systems Consultant for Infor Software.

He is married with 2 sons. He can't explain how any of this happened. His poor wife is very understanding.

David enjoys acting in local plays and performing stand-up comedy, unless prevented by a restraining order, and relates a much more interesting story of his life when he does so because, well, frankly, he lies a lot.